21 Days - Month of June

Well, I got through not criticizing Brian for the first 21 days of April, and I can honestly say I'm a better wife. I learned that biting my tongue resulted in less fights (actually zero fights for 21 days) and a kinder, very appreciative husband. I've attempted to not go back to my old ways (failing from time to time) - practicing self-control in how and when and why I bring things up that bother me.

In May, I decided to exercise for 15 minutes every day in an attempt to develop more of an active life-style. I have not been able to keep that one up quite as well, but it was good none the less.

For the month of June I am saying no to any foods that have "hydrogenated oil" in its list of ingredients. The more I read and hear about nutrition the more I want to move our family away from processed and towards natural and whole. Starting small, I'm cutting out something that I've read is very bad for our heart. Hydrogen-filled oils. It means no Dorritos, no Chips Ahoy mini chocolate chip cookies, no twinkies, no boxed cake mixes or prepared frostings. I want to start making more things from scratch even though it will mean time preparing and cleaning up because I think that ultimately our family will be healthier.

How is your quest for self-control going? What have you given up in the previous months? What results have you found? Will you join me in my 21 day challenge for the month of June?

21 Days Continued: Quest for Self-Control

What started as a fast from sugar during the first 21 days of January 2010, is now turning into a journey, a quest, that others have decided to join me in, for something called self-control.

Half-way through my 21 days of no sugar in January I realized that I didn't have a problem with just saying no to sugar, I had a problem saying no to everything. So I had the grand idea of taking the first 21 days of each month of 2010 and saying no to something.

January was sugar, February was spending, March was fast-food, and for April? April will be exercising self-control in criticizing and/or nagging my husband. (Needless to say this is his favorite idea so far.) When pondering about why I decided this would be a good one, I came to the realization that this, for me, was just as much about self-control as any of the previous themes. When Brian (he's a great blogger by the way, hit the link and it will take you to his site) does something that annoys me or I feel needs to be addressed, I want to tell him then and in whatever way I want to say it - instead of thinking it through, choosing the right words, the right tone of voice, or choosing not to say it at all. And it usually results in an argument. It's all about self-control. So this month, I am exercising control over my tongue.

"What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don't get it." James 4:1

"When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise." Proverbs 10:19

"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18

"A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." Proverbs 15:1

"Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife." Proverbs 21:19

"be self-controlled..." 1 Peter 1:13b

Ache for the Nations

There have been times in my life when I just long to be settled. Maybe we've been moving a lot, traveling a lot, living out of suit cases, and I long to be in one place for a while. I'd give anything to unpack, and stay unpacked.

There have been times in my life that I am so lonely for the people I love and who know me. I miss the comfort of their embrace, the echo of their laugh. I miss watching them as they rejoice in my children. In those times, when I'm so far away from friends and family, I don't care about culture, about the 10-40 window, about how many millions of people still haven't heard about the love of Christ. I don't care about the light that I bring to the darkest of places, or the smiles that come from those foreign faces. I just want to go "home".

Then there are times like the one I am in now. I live in comfort, my suitcases are zipped and stowed away. I drive a mini-van and love it. My boys play soccer with other little American children. I can call any family member or friend and talk to them for as long as I like without having to take the time zone into account. I am privileged to attend a huge and thriving church body every week and worship our King with hundreds of others. Our voices rising together, our hands clapping and our feet tapping to the beat. Each time I'm there I am reminded that I'm not alone in this pursuit of Christ - there are others! So many others.

And yet... I find my heart aching for the nations. I hear about something going on in Kenya, and I want to be there. My neighbor takes a trip to India, and I just crave to see pictures and hear the stories. I talk to a couple who are adopting from China and I want to travel with them to sign the papers. Haiti, Chile, Jordan, Uganda, Morocco, South Africa, Germany, Mongolia, Vietnam, Venezuela... I want to see them all. I want to pray with my knees down on each ground. I want to look into the eyes of every child. I want to hold every baby. I want to encourage every national Christian. I want to tell every single lost soul about the incredible life that I have found. Or should I say, has found me? My heart starts to cry out, "Send me Lord, Send me!"

And so it is as of late. My heart is aching as a mother's heart aches for children she hasn't seen in a long time. And my question becomes, "When will I go back Lord? And what do you want me to do in the meantime...?"

21 Days

I've known for a long time I have a problem with self-control.

In 2 Peter chapter 1 there is a hierarchy of qualities that build on top of one another. The first is faith, and to your faith you should add goodness, and to goodness comes knowledge, then self-control, then perseverance, then godliness, then brotherly kindness, and finally love.

I recognized about 2 years ago that I tend to get stuck on self-control.

Up until this point I have been able to hide the fact that I'm not the most controlled person: I'm not in debt, I'm not obese, I'm still married, I don't have a drug addiction etc. However, when it comes to denying myself something, I have a really hard time saying no.

So when the leaders of the church we go to here in Oklahoma said that they were taking the first 21 days of January to fast from something, my first reaction was "Phew! I'm glad I don't have to do that!" But as more and more of my friends and acquaintances around me were declaring their 21 days of "self denial", I felt the tug. I knew it had the potential for huge spiritual growth, but I wasn't sure how badly I wanted that.

I struggled with the decision for a few days, but in the end I knew I should do it. I picked the thing I thought was the toughest for me to say no to, and for me, that was sugar. So for the first 21 days of January I said "no" to my coffee creamer in the morning, my Little Debbie snack in the afternoon, and whatever usual dessert I would have after dinner. People around me were able to shake their cravings by day 4 or 5, but it took until day 14 before I felt the urge subside. It was certainly a stronghold in my life.

Needless to say it was a great exercise in self-control. I made it to day 21 and with triumph realized that I had climbed a mountain that I had previously thought was impossible. All things are possible...

Somewhere around that time it dawned on me that it wasn't just sugar I had a problem with - it was everything. Shopping, sleeping, my iPhone... you name it - I didn't want to give it up. So I had the grand idea that in order to really address this issue of self-control, I would fast from something for the first 21 days of every month this year.

January was sugar - and it was SO HARD! But not only did it teach me a small lesson in saying no, but it also taught me a lot about my body. I learned that my body doesn't actually like a whole lot of sugar - especially in the middle of the day. I felt better, stopped needing naps and had more energy. Surprise, surprise.

February was spending. For these last 21 days I have said "no" to spending money on things that I don't truly need. Another huge step for me in gaining self-control. On day 22, I passed a table outside my twin's kindergarten classroom that read "20% off Best of Books Sale". My automatic response was, "Ooo... that looks great. But... we don't need any books right now." I got home - realized what I had done and did a dance of celebration! Another small triumph.

As I approach March, as much as I am dreading saying no to this one, its going to have to be fast food. I love french fries. There, I said it. And I love the fastness of fast food. So convenient. Long day? Let's go to McDonald's. Didn't have time to cook? Let's grab Wendy's while we're out. It's safe to say that I'm addicted, and I'm sure I've drug my boys right along with me.

SO the first 21 days of March I will be saying no to fast food. Let's hope I gain one more step in the fight for self-control, and maybe I'll save a couple dollars and loose a couple pounds in the process.

Do you want to join me? Is there something in your life that would be really hard to give up for 21 days, but you know it would be good for you? Write me and let me know, and we can spur each other on.

Last Night at the City Rescue Mission

Last night I had the opportunity to go with a group of people from Lifechurch.tv downtown Oklahoma City to a large housing facility for homeless people. It was my first time there, but this group goes once a month and has been doing so for three years. It houses men, women and children from all walks of life. Lifechurch.tv comes once a month to do a church service. They bring in a live worship band, and then will show a message via video. They invite the people to come to the service and offer games and activities in a separate area for the kids.

Upon arrival we were told that the projector was broken, and so there would be no video for the message that night. As soon as I heard that, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to go and tell the leader of the group that I could share my testimony with the crowd if he wanted me to do so. After a couple minutes of debating if that was really the Lord's voice or not, I decided that I could obey, and the leader could always say no if it wasn't meant to be. So I walked up the leader, introduced myself and offered what I had been sensing. His eyes lit up and said that would be great.

As it began the place started to fill up and soon almost all the chairs were filled. I'm not sure the exact number, but my guess is that there were between 150 to 200 men and women there. Some young, some old. Some looking well put together, some not. Some looking pretty down and out.

During worship I had a moment when I felt like I was touching upon the very heart and life of Jesus. Reaching out to the unlovely, talking with the forgotten ones, sharing a night with people who probably have done some pretty rough things. Listening the their stories and offering them something that will quench their soul's eternal thirst.

After worship the leader of our group got up and spoke about the prodigal son, and the love the Father has for those who have gone astray.

He then invited me up. I had not prepared, had not had time to be nervous. My only prayer was, "God speak through me. God speak through me." I began my story, the story that God has weaved together to make me who I am, and it truly was Him who was speaking through me. The words were effortless as I told them about the events leading up to me accepting Jesus as my Lord and Savior. The story just flowed as I convinced everyone in the room that they were not there by accident; that God had purposed them to be there, in that chair on that night. And the Holy Spirit just poured forth as I invited those who had never accepted Jesus into their lives and hearts to do so right then. At least 6 people raised their hands and responded to my call to action. And over 20 came up to the front for prayers and bibles. Our box of bibles was empty within a couple of minutes.

Afterwards, as the group from Lifechurch.tv debriefed together, there were some incredible stories of how lives were touched - both at the shelter and in the hearts of the people that went.

In these last 6 months or so, my daily prayer has been, "God use me. Use me to speak, use me to encourage, use me for your Kingdom and your purposes."

I cried tears of joy driving home from the event rejoicing over where and how He decided to answer that prayer. Not at all as I had expected. I am going to keep praying those simple words; what an anticipation it is to think about what will come next.

Maureen's Tips for a Happy Toddler

- Make sure they get enough sleep.

Newborns sleep 16-18 hours a day. This obviously decreases as they get older, but surprisingly not by too much. 1 year olds need approximately 14-16 hours a day (including night time, morning and afternoon nap). 2 year olds need right around 14 hours (by now they have dropped that morning naps). 3 year olds need at least 12 hours of sleep a day. By 4 they are starting to drop the afternoon nap. Good rule of thumb about when to put your toddler to bed: take whatever time they woke up in the morning and add 12 hours. They wake up at 7:00am - bedtime should be no later than 7:00pm - starting the bedtime routine at 6:30. Protect these night and nap sleep times and be amazed as your toddler becomes the most fun little person to be with! (This and more great sleep info comes from the book: Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child by Marc Weissbluth, M.D.)

- Let them graze.

As soon as your little one (or ones - if you're like me) start to walk they want to have nothing to do with that old high chair. More than that, the new finger foods they can start to have are so much fun! So go ahead, put a handful of cheerios down on the coffee table or on a chair in the kitchen and let your little monkey be the cow that they are dying to be. The day I realized that if I kept finger food available for my twin 15 month olds all the time - they became happier. Even now my boys, 6, 6, and 4 still like to "eat and play" as they call it. Eat a little, play a little. As your tot gets older, a fun idea for grazing is filling an ice cube tray with snacks for them to sample: banana slices in one slot, broccoli "trees" in the next, cheerios in the next, grapes, crackers, chopped tomatoes, etc.. My 2 and 3 year olds absolutely loved this.

-Wrestle!

Get up on that bed and roll all over it with them. Pull them back when they start to crawl off and tickle them until they scream. Let them climb all over you. Not only does this help them release lots of toddler energy, but it gives them quality time with you in a fun way, physical touch that they crave, and teaches them how to play rough with out anyone getting hurt.

- Don't expect your toddler to play alone.

Just because "I DO IT!" is their new phrase, doesn't mean they want to do it without you being right there with them. You could fill their bedroom with the coolest toys in the world but if you're in the kitchen, they want to play with the tupperware and the utensils. If you're in the living room, they want those remote controls. Why? The main reason is because they just want to be where you are. So either, spend more time in their play room, or make a special cabinet in the kitchen just for them. (Fill it with tons of fun kitchen items that won't shatter when they get slammed on the floor.)

- Set boundaries and keep them.

As they start to walk and their world becomes bigger, they need to feel like someone (you) is still right there taking care of them. Boundaries provide security for these little entrepreneurs and set the ground work for good discipline for future years. If you say "no touch", mean it. If you say, "stay with me" - watch them with an eagle's eye to make sure they don't wander away. Decide ahead of time what the consequence will be if they touch what you said was a no touch, or if they stray away from you. In our house, touching what Mommy said was a "no touch" meant a smack on the hand (followed by lots of tears, and Mommy saying, "Mommy loves you, I forgive you.") Wandering (or running) away when I said "stay close" meant they had to sit on my hip for an uncomfortable few minutes. When I was teaching them not to go into the street, even a toe into that darkened pavement was a spanking right there and then. (Quickly followed by hugs and kisses and "I forgive you.") Clearly set and kept boundaries help give toddlers the confidence they need to grow and adapt in their new and changing world. (And makes discipline in the next few years a ton easier.)

Top: Me wrestling with my twin tots. March 2005

Bottom: Our kitchen toy cupboard. April 2005

10 Things I Like About Winter

I have been missing the things of Spring, Fall and Summer lately... so I am going to resist that negativity and focus on the things I like about Winter:

1) Hot tea.

2) Snuggly blankets.

3) Hot baths.

4) Blow drying my hair with out getting so hot and sweaty afterwards that I need another bath.

5) Days when the sun does come out and it feels so good against my cold white skin.

6) No bugs.

7) Soups and chilis and stews and biscuits.

Okay, I think I'm done. 7 things I like about winter. As one of my 6 year olds said today, "How many more days until Spring?"

Living with hands wide open?

Living with hands wide open means not being a control freak.

It means being okay with being the clay and not the potter.

It means loosing a grip on all that means something to you, all that is important and all that isn't.

It means letting people come into your life and embracing them, and also letting them go out when it's time.

It means being thankful for the things in your life (house, car, furniture, toys, garden, clothes) and knowing deep inside that if they were taken away by natural disaster or a move or whatever else, that ultimately it wouldn't change who you are.

It means accepting your life situation and doing with it the very best you can.

It means accepting and even embracing the ups and downs, the joys and sorrows, the laughter and tears.

It means investing, giving your all into your work and relationships knowing that tomorrow it could be changed or different or all together gone.

It means letting go of the past and opening your eyes and heart and hands to whatever the day may hold.

It also is an understanding that whatever your plans may be for the future, ultimately they don't matter because anything could happen.

Loosing a grip... living with hands wide open.